Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
