It's Friday. Sex?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
