P.S. I can't hear my feet
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
