Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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