She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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