Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
