i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
