i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
