Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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