good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
