Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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