I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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