tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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