I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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