A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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