this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
