I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
