i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
