I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
