And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
