She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
