I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
