I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We left the knife in your bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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