I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
