im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
