he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
