You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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