don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
