Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
