Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
