Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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