I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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