I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im part way to drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
