The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
