Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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