I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
