don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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