i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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