it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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