I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
