How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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