my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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