I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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