# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
