That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
