Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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