Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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