pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
