Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
