I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
