fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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