Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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