You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
