i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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