I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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