I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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