no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
