There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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