evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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