oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
