i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
