We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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