You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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