Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
