Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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