exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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