I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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