wakey wakey hands off snakey
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
