ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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