Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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