Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
